Monday, November 7, 2016

Join Helen & Shelley for Happy Hour Christmas shopping! This Wednesday night (Nov. 09th) from 5-6:30


Join Helen & Shelley for Happy Hour Christmas shopping! This Wednesday night (Nov. 09th) from 5-6:30.
Myself and Shelley Neville will be at the Masonic Temple. I will be launching and signing my book "I am Funny Like That" and Shelley will be singing songs from her Christmas CDs. Both will be on sale so you can do all your Christmas shopping in in place!
Those who attend can enter their name to win a "Reading Basket" valued at almost $1000 and includes a $315 gift certificate for a NL Pride ring from Campus Rings, a Tocara bracelet, $200 in beauty gift certificates from Signature Salon, Tres Belle Esthetics, and Studio A. Plus lots of other surprises.

When you attend my book signing make sure you fill out a ballot. I will be drawing for it at 6:30 PM.
My Special guest is the one, the only Shelley Neville accompanied by the multi-talented Bill Brennan who will be singing selections from her beautiful Christmas CD.
Don't forget it is this Wednesday, November 09th
from 5:00-6:30 PM
at Spirit of Newfoundland
6 Cathedral Street, St. John's
Please join myself & Shelley for food, refreshments, music and lots of laughs as I launch my first book "I am Funny Like That"
If you already have a copy of the book please bring it to be signed. The hard copies will be available for $15.00 at the event.
To order a copy go to Amazon.com

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Congratulations to the 10 Book Winners!

I ran a book give away on Goodreads from September 26 – October 26, 2016 and 1400 readers entered for a chance to win a copy of my first book, I am Funny Like That.


I am very happy to say that Goodreads just sent me the names of the 10 winners and I shipped a copy of I am Funny Like That to each winner tonight!

Congratulations:
PATTY NIEDERT – OMAHA, NE
Shivani Chaudhary, Snohomish, WA
Holly Richards, Frankfort, In
Stacy Rouble, STOUFFVILLE, Ontario
Jim Caffrey, Burleson, TX
Geralyn Butts, LIBERTYVILLE, IL
Susan Reyna, Kyle, TX
Gloria Burke, North Royalton, Oh
Jennifer Fliegel, Pueblo, CO
Chevonne Tobin, Manitowoc, WI

I hope you enjoy my book.

Helen C. Escott

Monday, October 24, 2016

Who are you calling plus sized?

I am a size 12. Size 10 on a good day. An 8 a week before I go on vacation. A 12-14 when I get back from vacation but that’s it. That’s all my sizes.

I watch what I eat from Monday to Thursday. I eat Ketchup chips like a wood chipper on Friday nights with a red wine, of course. On Saturday we BBQ steaks with fully loaded baked potatoes and wine to wash it down. That’s usually followed by a Costco apple pie or Tuxedo Cake. Then Sunday morning I crawl back on my Weight Watchers scales and start all over again.

If it wasn’t for the weekends, I would be as skinny as a rake because I am really good all week. I watch what I eat. Type everything in to “My Fitness Pal” app on my iPhone. I walk the dog to get my steps in and I drink a bucket of water each day.

So I believe I am doing all I can.

I know I am never going to be a size 2 and I don’t care. I don’t want to be a size 2. I am 5 foot 9. If I was a size 2 I would look like a coat hanger or like I was on heroin. I don’t want to see my ribs when I put on a big wool sweater and I certainly don’t want friends telling me “I have no arse!”

I would like to be more toned but I had back surgery and that means I can’t do sit ups. So I will wear Spanx like everyone else.

I am ok with that.

But apparently the world is not.

I walked into a dress store, automatically turned to my left and began looking at clothes. The sales lady calls out “Excuse me Miss. You’re on the wrong side.”
My first through was “Is this the drag queen side. What side do I look like I should be on?” Maybe I am wearing too much makeup. The stuff that runs through my head. I am not good with confrontation!

“What size are you?” she smiles at me as she walks toward me. I feel obligated to tell her because I don’t know what else to do. “Size 10” I lie. I am bloating and I know I can’t pull this off.

She squints as she sizes me up and down. “Your clothes are on the other side. This is the ‘Plus girl’ section. It’s size 14 and up.”

There were two ladies flipping through the sales rack watching my interaction with this sales lady and I felt like saying “Ok I’ll go, but can I take them too. They are obviously a size 8.” But I knew she wouldn’t buy it. They were clearly in the right section.

I walked over to “my” section and started shopping but I felt bad for the two ladies left over on the other side of the store probably wondering why they were not told to take a walk on the wild side.

Why can’t clothes racks go from size 2 to 22?
Why do we need two sides of a store?
Why isn’t there a bathroom in the same section as the change rooms?

I don’t know!

Did our mothers and grandmothers all agree at some point that the size 0-12’s will shop on the right and the size 14-22’s will shop on the left?

I didn’t buy anything there I went to another store. I was looking for a white blouse. I asked the sales lady in the next store if she had any plain white blouses.
“Are you a professional woman?” she inquired.

“No I am amateur one. A broken one really. I leak.” I confessed to her astonishment and just for fun I put on puppy dog eyes and locked stares with her while I let a little drool fall out of my mouth and roll down my chin.

She looked away first.

“We do have white blouses over here.” She brought me to the rack and disappeared to the back room. I assume to update her Facebook status to let all her friends and family know about the crazy lady in the store.

What difference does it make if I am professional or not?
And what profession was she talking about? I was wearing my Hootchie Momma shorts with heals. But who is she to judge me?

We have so many labels to slap on ourselves! Is that a Michael Kors watch? Is that a Coach purse? Are you a size 8 or an 18? Are you a professional woman or a minimum wage worker? I need to know if I should waste my time showing you our white blouses.

A guy once told me if I lost weight I would look really good because I had a pretty face… I was 8 months pregnant! They haven’t found his body yet.
The bottom line is, I am healthy, happy and I like who I am.

I also find it extremely hard not to laugh at people. I am not perfect. Give me a break.

I do try not to judge. I really do. It’s hard I know… You know… We all know. So if I do judge, I do it in my head only or whisper it to hubby or my BFF Nancy and make them laugh. Then sneak away so they look all “judgy” and I don’t.

My point is, what harm was it to let me look through the plus section. I would have found my way out eventually. I can’t help but think what if I was size 14 and wandered into the 2-12 section? Would she have told me to go to the Plus section? Because if she did I would have grabbed a size 10 jeans and stretched that fabric to the breaking point until I got every last celluloid dimple packed in. Then I would have strutted around like a rooster in that store.

I don’t mind a sales lady giving me fashion advice and suggesting some things that would look good on me. But seriously, you don’t know what my day is like. I go into stores because they are my happy place and I can’t afford real therapy.  I don’t want stress. I definitely don’t want to yell my size across a store.

Finally for God sakes, can’t we find a better label than “Plus Sized?” Why not “Womanly” “Under-Womanly” and “Over-Womanly.” That sounds so much better.


Excuse me miss! You’re too over-womanly to shop here. I could be happy with that.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Win a copy of "I am Funny Like That"

Now on Amazon’s Best Sellers list, Helen C. Escott's hysterical blog "I am
Funny Like That" has come to life in this witty book!

If you have thrown your back out taking off Spanx, planned your husband's murder in your head or screamed through a Brazilian, this book is for you.


If you need a good laugh, or need to smile, this book is better than Prozac it will make you laugh out loud for days after reading it. 

119,000 blog readers can't be wrong! Join in the laughter. 

Win a copy on Goodreads

or buy a copy at Bookbaby or Amazon 

Monday, September 5, 2016

“I am Funny Like That” The blog is now a Book!

I am so excited I can’t breathe!! I am walking around my office in my house coat at 3 o’clock in the afternoon because I know if I get dressed my top will be covered in sweat within three seconds.

It feels like Bob Barker just called my name and yelled “Helen C. Escott! Come on down!”

This blog is now a book! The book is a blog! Oh my God, it’s real!!!!

As of Sept. 01, 2016 the ebook “I am Funny Like That” is available on line. The hard copy will be available by mid-September.

Buy it now at:
iBookstore, Amazon Kindle, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Baker & Taylor, Copia, Gardners, eSentral, Scribd, Goodreads, Oyster, Flipkart, Ciando, EBSCO, Vearsa

I just had the strangest memory. Sister Alphonsis pointing her bony long finger at me in grade three saying “Being the class clown will get you nowhere but the penitentiary.” Boy did I prove her wrong.

I have always seen the “Funny” in everything I do.

In 2012 I had back surgery and was laid up for almost a year. I could not do a lot of things so I would spend my time on Facebook and Twitter making comments about life, new stories or politics and I developed a following.

Then a friend said to me, you should write a blog. So I created this blog called “I am Funny Like That” in April 2012. I honestly didn’t think anyone besides my husband and best friend would read it.

Now the blog has over 118,000 readers. Most of my readers are in Canada and the United States but they are spread out all over the world: Germany, Ukraine, UK, India, France, South Korea, United Arab Emirates and Lebanon.

People read the blog because they want to laugh. After all, laughter is the best medicine.

The book is a funny look at life. It’s about being a woman and using my sense of humour to deal with being a mother, wife and daughter while going through menopause and trying to have a career while making supper and doing the laundry.

People who read this blog see themselves. They identify with me.

I chose the title “I am Funny Like That” because it describes me: Sometimes I am funny like that in a humorous way and sometimes I am funny like that in a strange way.

If you need a good laugh, if you need to smile today, this book is better than Prozac it will make you laugh out loud and brighten your day. It also makes a great Christmas gift!


Thanks for being a reader.